Being a kid, I thought the world was mine
To use, to mess, to manipulate
I was convinced this thinking way was fine
I know some people who can correlate.

During my rebellious age, I did
So many things to make both parents weep
I felt the moment when you should have rid
In order to allow my sow to reap.

Day and night, you worked to let me study
Provided for my childish, selfish wish
How I paid back for your kindness? Cuddy,
I asked for more and spent it with a whish.

Looking at the past, my deep frustration
Was just a mask for all that inner grief,
Soul screaming help, mind in irritation,
My tongue was tied, the spoken moment brief.

And so, it lasted for the whole ten years,
Countless nights spent crying myself to sleep,
Wake up, I’m shaking, the ringing ears
Muted my soul’s attempts to try and leap.

I am sitting now, remembering the hell,
How did the devil let my soul to leave?
I had no reaching hand, no guiding bell
To lead me out of struggles or to heave.

I do remember now, it was the fear,
To be forgotten, to be left behind
Just like fifth wheel, you’d simply change the gear
Launching forwards and leaving me resigned.

In order to survive, I took my fate
And set my goals to reach for and complete.
I substituted love in place of hate,
Allowing my self-loathing to deplete.

I am now thirty with two kids of my own,
Sometimes I see my old self in their hurt,
But now I am aware to not leave lone,
Ensure their love and hate are not invert.

I thank parents for everything they did,
For the life’s irreplaceable lesson.
I now know what to leave and what to rid,
So kids are happy, as their burdens lessen.

JN